


Not Courageous but Selfish Instead

by Darlena



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Don't Have to Know Canon, Eventual James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, F/M, Gen, Good Severus Snape, Happy Severus Snape, I have an actual outline, I hope, James Potter Lives, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Severus Snape-centric, Sorry guys, Tags May Change, Young Severus Snape, college student severus snape, everything is okay, i don't really like dumbledore, i have a plan, severus snape takes his life into his own hands
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26275375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darlena/pseuds/Darlena
Summary: Severus runs away from Tobias at 10 years old and never goes to Hogwarts. How will this change the world?The fic in that all I wanted was to create a scene of college student!Snape dancing in his room in a black turtleneck and trousers. But then I had to create an entire story to fit the scene or it wouldn't make as much sense. (And also maybe I wanted to show his love and skill of potions isn't just because it was an escape from James Potter and co?) Idk.
Comments: 41
Kudos: 107





	1. The Change That Almost Never Happened

**Author's Note:**

> But hey, I actually wrote an outline this time! I repeat I HAVE A PLAN!!!
> 
> Disclaimer: The only interaction I have had with this fandom besides mildly paying attention to the movies years ago is through the fanfictions y'all write. Don't at me if the characters aren't in character lol it's an AU get over it.
> 
> Fun google searches for this chapter:  
> Did the 70's have bottled water?

Severus wasn’t dumb, and he wasn’t an idiot either. He was selfish, that was true, and he was sneaky. Severus knew that living in that house with Tobias Snape was dangerous, living in a house with a drunk Tobias Snape is fatal. Every time Tobias came home smelling like beer and stumbling around, his mother would sneak him out his bedroom window. Her eyes wild and afraid she would whisper for him to run to the river for a few hours and to not come inside until Tobias was asleep. Years ago this would happen once or twice a week, now it was more like every other night if that. Severus asked once why they didn’t leave as he was laying in bed, his mother curled around him, shoulders shaking in silent sobs. The way she looked at him, full of sadness and pity and said, “Leave where?” made Severus never ask her again.

He hoped that he would one day run away; hoped that he would be able to scrape up the courage to leave; in that hope, he began to slowly take supplies and food from the house and from stores that he knew would last and stashed them in a worn-down pack under his bed. 

Time went on and eventually, he was almost 10 ½ years old, they had been cleaning up the house after lunch when Tobias stumbled drunkenly into the house yelling and immediately going for the only breakable dishes they had left. His mother looked at Severus with fear and ushered him to his room, “Run Severus, run to the river and don’t come back for-” she was cut off as the bedroom door slammed open. 

There Tobias stood face purple-red in anger he began muttering under his breath foul things that made Severus want to hide and made his mother’s face pale. His mother’s face hardened suddenly and she turned and threw herself at Tobias yelling for Severus to run and get out while Tobias started yelling and swinging his fists. Severus spared not even a second glance, he ran to his bed, snatched up the hidden bag, and clambered out of his bedroom window. Running as hard and fast as he could till he couldn’t hear the screams of his mother or Tobias any longer. 

Too soon, he had to stop running, his small body unable to deal with the exertion any longer. He sat down on the ground trying to think of a plan. He could wait a few hours and go back to his mother’s side as he always had done before. Tobias was getting worse and worse by the day it seemed and there was only so much that his mother could take, but he didn’t want to step in for his mother, wasn’t strong enough to protect her and take the beatings as horrible as that thought made him feel. He shook with the mere thought of going back there, where Tobias raged and ruled. Tobias always had called him a selfish and self-serving brat, maybe it was time to embrace that and leave?

He rubbed his hands over his head in frustration grimacing at the greasy feeling of his hair, wishing he was allowed to wash more he wiped his hands off on his trousers. He stood slowly knowing that he shouldn’t daddle if he wanted to truly get away from Spinner’s End. Cokeworth was a fairly large town and he would need to walk quickly in order to be able to get away from it by nightfall, he knew he was hindered by the fact that he couldn’t run for fear of attracting the attention of an adult. He refused to go back to that house with Tobias, even if that meant he never saw his mother again.

Turning away from thoughts of his mother, he walked with confidence as if he had a destination in mind. Passing by a small family his eyes caught on a girl with lovely red hair tied up neatly into a braid, she was laughing with another girl, her bright green eyes crinkled with glee. Severus decided that one day he would have that kind of carefree happiness.

He walked for hours, refusing to stop even as his throat became parched and his stomach growled and grumbled. As night fell, Severus finally reached the bus station at the edge of town, he sat down against the building and pulled open his meager supplies. As he cracked open a bottle of water he began to plot where he would go and how he would be able to get there. He barely had any money, what little that Tobias didn’t use to buy alcohol, his mother kept hidden very well for food and Severus was not a very good thief. 

He decided that instead of going to a town nearby or a smaller town, he would need the numbers of a big city to be able to hide from anyone who would be looking for him. He didn’t know if Tobias would actually call the police or if he would come looking himself but he decided paranoia was worth it if it kept him from getting caught. Now the closest big city is London, but he couldn’t make it there on foot. He put away his water ignoring the food in his bag and scoped out the few busses that were preparing to leave. Two of them were finishing loading the last few people, one had just pulled in, and the last had enough people in line that he might be able to sneak on without being noticed.

He circled the last bus inconspicuously to see if it had any other openings and, success! The bag section at the bottom of the bus was still open! He quickly glanced around and darted into the compartment, luckily he was small enough that he could fit very well. He clambered around the bags before finding a semi-comfortable spot and only relaxed when he heard the bus driver close the doors. He made it! He was free, and he would stay that way forever!


	2. A Flighty Prank

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who would believe that magic exists.... right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun google searches for this chapter:  
>  Fake London addresses.   
> (Who knew there was a fake address generator?)

London was so much larger than Cokeworth, Severus thought once again after crawling into his shelter for the night. It had been a few months since he had run away and so far he was doing just fine on his own. Sure, it was bitterly cold in the winter and he didn’t have warm meals or a family to spend Christmas with, but who needed that when he had his freedom! The first few weeks he was terrified that he had made the wrong decision, constantly hungry, freezing cold, and having no money. But somehow things worked out, when he went to stores to see what he might steal, suddenly the cashier had to help a delivery boy with his load or they would walk over to a family and have a very long discussion with them, suddenly having discovered that they are related in some wild and fantastical way. Once even the register exploded and the magazine rack fell over at the same time! Severus chuckled as he remembered how he even got a few bills out of the chaos. 

He wasn't proud of stealing from stores and people’s pockets but he figured he needed the food more than the stores needed the money. He wasn’t sure how he had survived this far but his eleventh birthday was tomorrow and he’d never felt more grown-up. 

He knew that he had to hide from the police still as well as from his parents if they came looking for him. He hoped that they thought he had died, maybe he could start using a different name just in case. He cracked a pocket warmer for his hands and bundled himself up underneath what few blankets he collected or stole and promptly fell asleep.

_It was late in the evening, almost night. He could hear the water of the river flowing and knew he was waiting for Tobias to be asleep. Humming to himself he walked around the riverbank, stooping once in a while to collect a leaf here, a rock there, some flowers and blades of grass, finally stopping to gather some mud before kneeling and digging a small hole into the ground. He lined the hole with the mud evenly and slowly, hands caking the mud by moving in small circular motions. He breathed out and wiped his hands on the grass beside the hole he was kneeling in front of. Reaching for a sprig of rosemary, he picked the branch clean before popping the rosemary into his mouth and chewing it into mush. Spitting the mush into the mud lined bowl, he dropped a leaf into the hole as well. Methodically, he began picking the flower petals off of the little daisy in a steady counterclockwise motion and grinding them up as much as he could between two rocks and scraping them into the concoction. He stirred the ingredients together using his pointer finger of his left hand and felt that it was right. Using two fingers of his right hand, he smeared the paste onto his black eye and the handprint bruises on his arms. When he returned home and his mother had him wash off the mud and dirt, the bruises were gone._

Severus woke up to an owl holding a letter in his face. Since he had just woken up, he sat there staring at the owl wondering if he really had woken up. The owl shuffled a bit as if it were impatiently waiting and then dropped the letter on top of his head. Severus surprised that an owl just gave him a letter, squawked in surprise. He sat up and after another glance at the owl, began to inspect the letter.

**_Mr. Severus Snape_ **

**_Under the eave_ **

**_132 Bishopthorope Road_ **

**_London, SY23 1EW_ **

Severus jolted, looking around him uneasily. Who wrote this, and how did they know where he was living? He opened the letter with caution, every few seconds eyeing the owl who brought him this strange letter. The owl watched him with what seemed to be boredom and it began to preen itself seeming to not care for Severus’ suspicion. 

He looked down to read the letter, eyebrows only getting higher with each line. Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry? Diagon Alley? Platform 9 ¾? Someone was definitely taking the piss here at his expense. Who would believe such a story anyway? Severus dropped the letter and began to pack up his blankets and sleep stuffs when the owl pecked at him. 

“Ow! Bloody bird, what was that for?” He complained, shaking his hand off. The owl looked to him with a startling amount of intelligence and looked between the letter he had left on the ground and him. 

“What,” He snarked, “You want me to write a response or something?” The owl hopped closer and looked again from him to the letter and back. 

_‘No bloody way’_ Severus thought as he stared at the owl. Its eyes were trained on him and it wasn’t moving so he slowly moved to his pack to dig out any kind of paper to write a response to. He found a crumpled up takeout menu and a pen at the bottom of his bag and wrote:

' _ **Dear Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall,**_

_**Thank you for your letter of acceptance to your magic school. I politely decline your offer and thank you not to reach out to me again.** _

_**Sincerely,** _

_**Severus Snape**_.'

Severus finished the letter and folded up the paper to fit into the original envelope. He looked to the expectant owl and offered the envelope hesitantly and the bird snatched the paper up in its beak and flew off without a moment’s delay. 

He watched the bird fly off for a moment, then shook his head and continued to pack his things. He would have to move if some random prankster knew his name and where he lived. He thought that this place was pretty well hidden, but not if someone trained an owl to prank him.

He pulled out his map and began planning to search for another shelter after breakfast.


	3. Caught

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus just wanted a chill shower, now he's here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, this chapter fought me tooth and nail. I have no clue what it was like in the 70s let alone in London so......   
> This chapter feels rushed and bunched like a poorly fitted dress. I'm sorry but that is what you get. I might in later life add or edit this but not anytime soon!   
> Also, this chapter might be short? I don't actually know the length of the other chapters in comparison. I hope it isn't too short.
> 
> ..... I'm kinda sorry

Severus cursed himself blue. Not literally of course because that wasn’t possible, but he bloody well could have with how angry he was! Just over a year, he had been free of adults, being careful to not be seen in the same areas and in the same stores! Over a year he has been taking care of himself and everything was fine, but he botched it up! The shelter called the police on him because they saw him one too many times when he came in to get a shower. His luck must have run dry because the coppers actually found him. They knew his first name too because the damnable shelter worker had just seemed so nice and had struck up a conversation with him, had even given him some freshly baked biscuits. He saw them on the phone and overheard them reporting him and he ran, not even trying to snatch the rest of the lunch the worker had left out for him.

He thought that the sewer drain was a very good hiding spot but he must have made too much noise or wasn’t as well hidden as he had thought because one moment he was listening quietly for the two men’s boots to go tromping in the other direction and the next moment they reached into the drain and plucked him out like he was a kitten; kicking and scratching all the while. Damn it all! He refused to live with Tobias! Even if his mother lived there, he  _ refused _ to stay put!

The time he spent in London away from that house was some of the best in his life! Sure, he had to provide and worry about food and money. Yeah, he had to learn which people to avoid, like the man who lurked around the streets at night who had an unnerving gleam in his eye when he saw kids. But it was still better than living in fear, in that suffocating hell hole, where you never knew if you were going to be smacked or beaten unconscious.

The police had put him in the back of their car and it must have been locked from the outside,  _ damn them _ . They were driving the car while trying to get him to speak to them, asking what his name was, how old he was, why he was alone. They pretended that they cared so they could get all of his information from him! It never helped things anyway, they always told him how he should stop trying to get attention for getting punished. Would leave him and his mother to the cold eyes and hard fists of Tobias. 

He knew to never trust a copper. 

They stopped their attempts at conversation as the car slowed and pulled up to the station. He sneered at one police officer as he opened the door and reached for his arm. 

“Come on champ, let's get you inside.” The police officer said kindly. 

Severus knew he had no other choice with the grip the man had on his arm and went without fuss. 

Walking into the station he fixed the meanest glare he could onto his face and mentally dared anyone to talk to him. 

“Look at him Jones, he looks like a bloody angry kitten!” The police officer who had his arm remarked. Severus whipped his head up to shoot the officer with his glare only to see the officer already looking down at him, an amused smile on his face. 

“What’re you talkin’ about, the kid looks like a bird with that beak of a nose.” His partner remarked snidely and they began to bicker good-naturedly between themselves.

Severus clenched his teeth in anger but said nothing. Nothing good ever came from defending himself. 

He stays quiet as he’s led to a cluster of small wooden desks, trying to not let the officer’s comments and mundane chatter get too far under his skin. The copper who has him by the arm leads him to a chair beside the desk and sits him down. 

Severus tries to ignore the man next to him as he putters around the files on his desk eventually complaining about how the box computer was supposed to help them with the paperwork not hinder it. His partner picked up the conversation gleefully and the next few minutes were filled with their complaints and griping. A short woman wearing a white button-up shirt and a knee-length skirt approached the desk, her face not amused. 

“Jones, Habersworth, I found your kid’s family.” She slid the file onto the desk closer to where Severus sat.

He tensed when she looked over at him, her face filled with pity and something else, “Maybe,” she started slowly, “I should take the kid for a cuppa while you review his… case.” The two men glanced at each other then at the woman, it was silent for a moment as they made faces at each other.

“Why don’t you do that Mary, just make sure he doesn’t run off.” He pointed a finger in warning at Severus who in turn scowled. He had every intention of trying to run off if he had a chance. The woman, Mary, went to grab his wrist and pulled him out of the chair gently. Severus eyed her and as she led him to a door, he glanced back at the file the two officers were opening. 

Something was happening and from the adults’ behavior around him, it wasn’t good.


End file.
